Socially Butterflied
After being away from school for a number of weeks during the holidays I returned to mighty Kingston ON for a wild new semester. Unfortunately, I had forgotten how many people go to my school and subsequently, how many of them that I sort of know that I run into around campus. By nature I am sort of an introvert, and don't really go out of my way to say hello to mild acquaintances or people I've only just met. I've learned from past experience that this doesn't always sit well with the people who think I should be saying hello to them; I've been told I'm a jerk through the intermediaries of various better acquainted friends more than once. So I decided to make an effort this year to go from no acknowledgement of sort-of-friends to awkward eye contact, followed by a head nod, potentially an attention-drawing wave, and maybe if I'm feeling extra inspired a full-on hello. I might even hug someone; especially if there's a good chance I think the gesture would be reciprocated, otherwise I'd go from jerk to creepy hug fiend, and that wouldn't be good especially if I was sent to prison for assault and there continued my hug-giving ways. I'll just stick to audible affection.
With this new resolution in mind I headed off to my first day of class eager to awkwardly ask someone about their Christmas holidays, expecting little but a brief sum-up of "good" and the following painfully awkward silence once I'd run out of material. However my plans were thwarted by two variables I wasn't expecting; I'll call these Powerful Supernatural Indicator that Matt Should Continue Keeping to Himself 1 & 2.
Powerful Supernatural Indicator that Matt Should Continue Keeping to Himself 1 = The Sun
The glare experienced on my 25 minute walk to class was the greatest I'd ever experienced in my entire life. I was partially afraid the cause was an enormous solar flare rapidly speeding toward Earth to wipe out all of its inhabitants; luckily I often trot around in the winter with a thick coating of SPF 80 on my exposed skin - just to keep up appearances. So I wasn't worried about being vaporized. However, I was worried about being unable to clearly see anything coming toward me and thus felt justified in mostly looking at the ground or squinting awkwardly at oncoming persons, cars, and trees. I don't think I hit anything, but I'm big enough not to feel pain when plowing through small shrubs and 5'3" girls. I gave up engaging anyone fairly immediately, mostly because I thought God was giving me a sign not to, but not actually.
Powerful Supernatural Indicator that Matt Should Continue Keeping to Himself 2 = Crazy Girls
I'm convinced that the ongoing trend of girls wearing sunglasses that cover their entire face is an actually premeditated act of the entire female sex to frustrate me. As evidenced from before, it's hard enough discerning faces in bright retina-imploding light without anybody wearing face-shieldish frames. Now some of my good friends who I would legitimately say hello to look like 17 different other girls whose names aren't Sarah (I've discovered this in an embarassing fashion more than once before). In a bizarre twist of fate I just witnessed someone who fits exactly the description I just outlined slip and fall on the sidewalk outside. Take that embarassing tumble on behalf of the entire womanly persuasion, you mega-sunglassed crazy girl... Snap!
So sorry if I've refrained from properly saying Hello to you on the street before, I was crying on the inside too...
Just Joking,
Matt
With this new resolution in mind I headed off to my first day of class eager to awkwardly ask someone about their Christmas holidays, expecting little but a brief sum-up of "good" and the following painfully awkward silence once I'd run out of material. However my plans were thwarted by two variables I wasn't expecting; I'll call these Powerful Supernatural Indicator that Matt Should Continue Keeping to Himself 1 & 2.
Powerful Supernatural Indicator that Matt Should Continue Keeping to Himself 1 = The Sun
The glare experienced on my 25 minute walk to class was the greatest I'd ever experienced in my entire life. I was partially afraid the cause was an enormous solar flare rapidly speeding toward Earth to wipe out all of its inhabitants; luckily I often trot around in the winter with a thick coating of SPF 80 on my exposed skin - just to keep up appearances. So I wasn't worried about being vaporized. However, I was worried about being unable to clearly see anything coming toward me and thus felt justified in mostly looking at the ground or squinting awkwardly at oncoming persons, cars, and trees. I don't think I hit anything, but I'm big enough not to feel pain when plowing through small shrubs and 5'3" girls. I gave up engaging anyone fairly immediately, mostly because I thought God was giving me a sign not to, but not actually.
Powerful Supernatural Indicator that Matt Should Continue Keeping to Himself 2 = Crazy Girls
I'm convinced that the ongoing trend of girls wearing sunglasses that cover their entire face is an actually premeditated act of the entire female sex to frustrate me. As evidenced from before, it's hard enough discerning faces in bright retina-imploding light without anybody wearing face-shieldish frames. Now some of my good friends who I would legitimately say hello to look like 17 different other girls whose names aren't Sarah (I've discovered this in an embarassing fashion more than once before). In a bizarre twist of fate I just witnessed someone who fits exactly the description I just outlined slip and fall on the sidewalk outside. Take that embarassing tumble on behalf of the entire womanly persuasion, you mega-sunglassed crazy girl... Snap!
So sorry if I've refrained from properly saying Hello to you on the street before, I was crying on the inside too...
Just Joking,
Matt
posted by A Horse(wo)man at 11:03 AM
1 Comments:
that was not what I was expecting...well played. Lengthy...but well played. I am impressed with your ability to think of such clever off-the-cuff humour almost instantaneously. Let's date.
that means you'd have to give up hugging random people on the sidewalk - but we could build to that.
Welcome back,
C
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