home...
Sit up and take notice, fans - I am back.
I apologize profusely for my decidedly lengthy vacation from blogging. What can I say? I'm terrible.
I've had a lot of time to think, ponder, muse and muddle over a few things since I last put finger-to-keyboard. I've left my nest in Kingston, and am attempting to make a home for myself in the big city here in T.O. I've got to say, it's been a little more difficult than I anticipated.
I always thought I was this fiercely independent secret-loner type. I thought that I would relish my own space and agenda, without many other people to take into consideration. I thought I wanted the luxury of anonymity that a large city offered; the ability to disappear and just observe people, and be cozy inside my own head with my thoughts. Turns out, I am not as much that person as I figured.
Since moving away from Kingston and not going back to my parents house for the first summer ever, I have come to realize that I value a support network more than I could have imagined. When I moved here, I didn't know the city as more than a bunch of dislocated attractions and places I had been to before. I had met one of my housemates once, and didn't even know the name of the other. Turns out that they are both awesome people, but they don't know me. Turns out that that is something pretty important to me as well: to know and be known.
I have these moments where I feel awesome and quintessentially Torontonian: checking out a new coffee shop, riding the subway and not having to sneak glances a the map over the doors, or going for a run after work and navigating the pedestrians on Yonge St. These moments, and the friends that I have seen, as well as the fact that I am working for family, have been holding me together. It's not to say that I think that developing a sense of community and family and transparency here in the city is impossible, but I know that it will take time...I want to appreciate all of the advantages that living here has to offer, but what I have come to appreciate primarily is how much the idea of 'home' is tied to the people I know and love...
I want to travel, and I want to explore and continue to discover things about myself and this incredible, creative world, but I am pretty sure that I would like some company in doing so. I would like someone to talk to, vent frustrations to, and share the excitement with...someone that appreciates the pieces of my paradoxical personality, and knows when to give me that delicious time alone...
When I was little, I grew up at the other end of Yonge St., on highway 11 in Northwestern Ontario. I wanted to stay with my mom and family forever, and have my own family in that small town. What I couldn't put into words before was how much that network means to me, and though I am glad to have moved on from that end of the province and that stage of my life, now that I am neighbours with my old self, it turns out we aren't as different as I would have expected.
C
I apologize profusely for my decidedly lengthy vacation from blogging. What can I say? I'm terrible.
I've had a lot of time to think, ponder, muse and muddle over a few things since I last put finger-to-keyboard. I've left my nest in Kingston, and am attempting to make a home for myself in the big city here in T.O. I've got to say, it's been a little more difficult than I anticipated.
I always thought I was this fiercely independent secret-loner type. I thought that I would relish my own space and agenda, without many other people to take into consideration. I thought I wanted the luxury of anonymity that a large city offered; the ability to disappear and just observe people, and be cozy inside my own head with my thoughts. Turns out, I am not as much that person as I figured.
Since moving away from Kingston and not going back to my parents house for the first summer ever, I have come to realize that I value a support network more than I could have imagined. When I moved here, I didn't know the city as more than a bunch of dislocated attractions and places I had been to before. I had met one of my housemates once, and didn't even know the name of the other. Turns out that they are both awesome people, but they don't know me. Turns out that that is something pretty important to me as well: to know and be known.
I have these moments where I feel awesome and quintessentially Torontonian: checking out a new coffee shop, riding the subway and not having to sneak glances a the map over the doors, or going for a run after work and navigating the pedestrians on Yonge St. These moments, and the friends that I have seen, as well as the fact that I am working for family, have been holding me together. It's not to say that I think that developing a sense of community and family and transparency here in the city is impossible, but I know that it will take time...I want to appreciate all of the advantages that living here has to offer, but what I have come to appreciate primarily is how much the idea of 'home' is tied to the people I know and love...
I want to travel, and I want to explore and continue to discover things about myself and this incredible, creative world, but I am pretty sure that I would like some company in doing so. I would like someone to talk to, vent frustrations to, and share the excitement with...someone that appreciates the pieces of my paradoxical personality, and knows when to give me that delicious time alone...
When I was little, I grew up at the other end of Yonge St., on highway 11 in Northwestern Ontario. I wanted to stay with my mom and family forever, and have my own family in that small town. What I couldn't put into words before was how much that network means to me, and though I am glad to have moved on from that end of the province and that stage of my life, now that I am neighbours with my old self, it turns out we aren't as different as I would have expected.
C
posted by A Horse(wo)man at 8:32 AM
2 Comments:
Welcome back C, a triumphant return indeed. It must be a little heady to think one has lived on opposite ends of the longest street in the world, a full day's trip from one place to the next.
Matt
cas, that was really neat. thanks for sharing about this new experience. no doubt you'll discover a lot about yourself and the world. and i'm sure when you move away at the end of summer you'll be surprised to discover you left a part of yourself in the city. i had a very similar experience when i was 21 and living in t.o. on my own for the first time. it was hard, but something that really molded me.
keep writing. you've been missed.
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