Ughhh.
Since no one has enough metaphorical cajones (we here are a unisex hair salon blog of course) to challenge my stake on 2006 blogging supremacy I thought it best to write another entry in 2007, to continue my unchallenged run into this year. Thus I present two things that I've spent a lot of time thinking about recently - both in coincidental relation to my life in crime.
Firstly, I've come to the realization that I have, as they say, a diminuitive unit. Due to my assumption that you are probably totally shocked and dumbfounded by this statement I shall elaborate. I'm confident in my ability to remain a staunch law-abiding citizen because I've realized that jaywalking still exhilarates me, in ways that cause me to now spontaneously nickname myself Matt: Thrillseeker Extraordinaire - My Middle Name is Danger, and by that I Mean John (TM). I figure I won't be eagerly looking to commit some sort of unlawful act when I still get a rush waling across a busy road not at a crosswalk. One way streets are purely for a small high, two way roads make me feel like a real man, and I sweat a little when going by just after a police cruiser. I can't imagine what would happen if I tried to cross a highway, I probably would lose my mind in a fit of pure euphoria. I live life on the edge...
Second, I've been poring a lot over what I would do if someone tried to steal my wallet while I was peeing at a(n)? urinal. I figure I would have a few options:
1) Turn around and pee on the guy
2) Turn around and pee on the floor, hoping to create a pool of slippery, brutal-fall-causing liquid
3) Turn around immediately and try to hit the guy in a face with a urine stream of knockout-causing strength
4) Turn around, swear, and then chase the guy down once I was finished my business
5) Turn around, tuck prematurely, and chase the guy down while peeing my pants
If I had a choice I think I would choose 3, mostly because it would make for the best story, even if it didn't quite work.
Mattoilet
PS - I started writing this last week, when the first paragraph actually mad sense.
Firstly, I've come to the realization that I have, as they say, a diminuitive unit. Due to my assumption that you are probably totally shocked and dumbfounded by this statement I shall elaborate. I'm confident in my ability to remain a staunch law-abiding citizen because I've realized that jaywalking still exhilarates me, in ways that cause me to now spontaneously nickname myself Matt: Thrillseeker Extraordinaire - My Middle Name is Danger, and by that I Mean John (TM). I figure I won't be eagerly looking to commit some sort of unlawful act when I still get a rush waling across a busy road not at a crosswalk. One way streets are purely for a small high, two way roads make me feel like a real man, and I sweat a little when going by just after a police cruiser. I can't imagine what would happen if I tried to cross a highway, I probably would lose my mind in a fit of pure euphoria. I live life on the edge...
Second, I've been poring a lot over what I would do if someone tried to steal my wallet while I was peeing at a(n)? urinal. I figure I would have a few options:
1) Turn around and pee on the guy
2) Turn around and pee on the floor, hoping to create a pool of slippery, brutal-fall-causing liquid
3) Turn around immediately and try to hit the guy in a face with a urine stream of knockout-causing strength
4) Turn around, swear, and then chase the guy down once I was finished my business
5) Turn around, tuck prematurely, and chase the guy down while peeing my pants
If I had a choice I think I would choose 3, mostly because it would make for the best story, even if it didn't quite work.
Mattoilet
PS - I started writing this last week, when the first paragraph actually mad sense.
posted by A Horse(wo)man at 8:41 PM
2 Comments:
I am certain Freud would have something to say about those of us who think about people stealing their wallets while at the urinal. I must confess to being in that number. I appreciate the helpful hints on how to deal with it. Now I'll be able to obsess about something more productive while peeing. Thanks!
I am certain Freud would have something to say about those of us who think about people stealing their wallets while at the urinal. I must confess to being in that number. I appreciate the helpful hints on how to deal with it. Now I'll be able to obsess about something more productive while peeing. Thanks!
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