I Am One Year Closer to Death...

Hello out there, this lovely title is what my coworker proudly told me when he learned that I shared his womb-emergence day of May 30. Coming from a handlebar moustache sporting, lambchop sideburning, long curly hair wearing, hair metal rocking, drum playing, banger-mullet-loving, still in the 80s living, hilarious guy I can handle that. He hasn't really grown up much so I guess that means I don't have to either. Paul, I'm proud to share my day of birth with you, keep on rocking the free world.

Another person that causes me to periodically laugh out loud is my younger brother Luke. A perfect example of this was his strange behaviour last week following a friend's wedding. He loudly stated for anyone to hear that he really wanted to get married also, but I think this was only considering the potential for a huge party and not considering the tremendous amount of commitment afterwards. This coming from a kid who has past said that being in a relationship to him is the equivalent of being doomed; he didn't elaborate on this point and my lady, who was right there, took exception with a perfectly timed diss, joking of course. He also continued the previous night's reception festivities by taking them to the shower where he belted out several marriage tunes by the likes of Elton John, Kelly Clarkson, and Sam Cooke. However, not being able to remember all the words he printed off lyrics and stuck them to the walls of the shower using moisture. He was in the shower for a twenty five minute concert. You may be privileged enough soon to spot his writing on this very page, come the new school year.

Finally, a third person that makes me laugh is the both insightful and ridiculous Garry, aka Birddog. His blog has been added to the list on the right, which I've meaning to do for awhile but COINCIDENTALLY waited until he gave me some mad props. I promise.

Matt Out

Helping Put the Romance Back Into Looking at Animals

A friend of mine recently went on a date of sorts to the Toronto Zoo, this caused me to think of how said date would have gone and where a trip to the zoo would score on the Potential Female Swoon Due to Unexpected Romance scale. A guess would be about 6.3 with possibility of decrease if it was hot and some of the exhibits stunk of poop.

Where many would have stopped pondering a zoo date I continued to wonder what the must see date exhibits were, where you just had to take someone if they were at the very least willing enough to be seen in public with you. Here is a short list, which may be wrong because I know very little about animals and also haven't been to the zoo in ages... methinks it's time to take my girl on an outing...

• the classic elephant ride, although I have a feeling the zoo wouldn't let you ride their pachyderms, and this exhibit is notorious for faint-inducing stench.
• I recently read a story about a hippo that was orphaned in the tsunami a couple years ago and was adopted by a tortoise. Now if these pictures aren't cute enough to cause someone to want to kiss you, you're in trouble. The one caveat being I don't think this has ever happened at the Toronto Zoo, and I'm not sure if either hippos or turtles are cute enough on their own, but one could try.
• I've always thought that monkeys are neat, unless they're like the one from Outbreak.
• I would totally hold hands while gawking at the polar bears
• the nocturnal animal exhibit is kind of humid and pretty dark inside so one could sneakily grab a kiss without anyone noticing. I suggest by the echidna, just don't step on it.
• Finally I'm willing to say that regardless of the person you're with, the palace of the penguins is always a home run. You can take that to the bank.

Happy Romantic Adventure!

Matt the Smooth Operator

home...

Sit up and take notice, fans - I am back.

I apologize profusely for my decidedly lengthy vacation from blogging. What can I say? I'm terrible.

I've had a lot of time to think, ponder, muse and muddle over a few things since I last put finger-to-keyboard. I've left my nest in Kingston, and am attempting to make a home for myself in the big city here in T.O. I've got to say, it's been a little more difficult than I anticipated.

I always thought I was this fiercely independent secret-loner type. I thought that I would relish my own space and agenda, without many other people to take into consideration. I thought I wanted the luxury of anonymity that a large city offered; the ability to disappear and just observe people, and be cozy inside my own head with my thoughts. Turns out, I am not as much that person as I figured.

Since moving away from Kingston and not going back to my parents house for the first summer ever, I have come to realize that I value a support network more than I could have imagined. When I moved here, I didn't know the city as more than a bunch of dislocated attractions and places I had been to before. I had met one of my housemates once, and didn't even know the name of the other. Turns out that they are both awesome people, but they don't know me. Turns out that that is something pretty important to me as well: to know and be known.
I have these moments where I feel awesome and quintessentially Torontonian: checking out a new coffee shop, riding the subway and not having to sneak glances a the map over the doors, or going for a run after work and navigating the pedestrians on Yonge St. These moments, and the friends that I have seen, as well as the fact that I am working for family, have been holding me together. It's not to say that I think that developing a sense of community and family and transparency here in the city is impossible, but I know that it will take time...I want to appreciate all of the advantages that living here has to offer, but what I have come to appreciate primarily is how much the idea of 'home' is tied to the people I know and love...

I want to travel, and I want to explore and continue to discover things about myself and this incredible, creative world, but I am pretty sure that I would like some company in doing so. I would like someone to talk to, vent frustrations to, and share the excitement with...someone that appreciates the pieces of my paradoxical personality, and knows when to give me that delicious time alone...

When I was little, I grew up at the other end of Yonge St., on highway 11 in Northwestern Ontario. I wanted to stay with my mom and family forever, and have my own family in that small town. What I couldn't put into words before was how much that network means to me, and though I am glad to have moved on from that end of the province and that stage of my life, now that I am neighbours with my old self, it turns out we aren't as different as I would have expected.



C

Stop... Die... Recussitate!

Welcome to a Stream of Conciousness to once again begin blogging as a serious part of my weekly routine. I don't know what happened before, but I have been doing some other writing as well as schoolwork, and plotting the end of the Ottawa Senators playoff run. I think that the plot of previous Pro Line commercials would work. Having the team owner force them to wear vintage equipment, squishing all the players on the bench with the collapse of the glass behind the boards, and a malfunctioning T-Shirt gun could cause quite a stir. I would aim for Daniel Alfredsson's face with a Carolina Hurricanes 2006 Stanley Cup Champions T-shirt while it was pinned by the collapsed glass, it would hopefully cause some pain without the long term stigma attached to permanent disfigurement. In order to continue the blog theme of Senator bashing I hereby decree that Mike shall soon pen the story of his childhood battles against a Young Ray Emery; Sworn Enemy of Hagersville. That should also be the title, or The Goalie Whose Mask Must Feature a Boxer Because He Likes to Fight, but Like a Girl. I would stick with the former.

Also, I have been toying with the idea of posting something about the time I've spent thinking about the following topic. I was flicking through channels the other day and came across professional wrestling, in all it's chauvinistic, macho, sweaty glory. I then thought about how it would be incredible to try and convince someone that the WWE was an excellent reflection of social interaction and relationships in the real world. I then decided it would be entertaining to take a well-meaning alien like ET to a WWE event as part of their education of typical everyday Earth life and then tell them its resemblance to wrestling was a joke. One might have to then explain what a joke is, and if their species is incapable of understanding humour it may result in the destruction of our planet, but at least due to a fantastic fake-out.

Here are a list of other humorous places to escort an extraterrestial if one hopes to lie to it about the nature of normal human life.

• The Westminster Dog Show
• a Monster Truck Rally
• the set of a terrible sitcom, Two and a Half Men comes to mind
• the NFL Draft
• a conservative Christian youth conference
• a mall in mid December
• Garry's office
• a frat house
• an opera
• Ottawa, Ontario (dissed again!)

Well, this isn't an exhaustive list, so feel free to add your own items... if anyone still checks this sight with regularity.

Woot, Wott, Watt....

Matt